I Really Wanted That Freakin' Cupcake
by T. Vincente
Summary: I cracky little fill for the comment fic community's 'Firsts' theme, written in 2009.  Prompt:  SGA, John/Ronon, first fight


"Ronon, about your report…"

"I did it."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid I need a few more details than, let's see…" Woolsey rubbed at his forehead and looked down at the wrinkled and somewhat dirty-looking paper in his hand. "…Offworld. Gate malfunction. Rodney fixed."

"But that's what happened."

Woolsey closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. "I have to give an update in ten minutes, so this will take no more than five minutes of your time." He glanced at Ronon's full lunch tray. "Leave it. You'll be back before your food can get cold."

Ronon stood and looked a little mournfully down at his lunch, then rolled his eyes and followed Woolsey from the mess hall.

* * *

><p>"Where's my cupcake?"<p>

Five faces looked up at Ronon. Teyla's was sympathetic. Keller's was nervous. Lorne's was curious. Rodney's was amused. John's was innocent. And had chocolate on it. A smear at the corner of his mouth and a dot on his chin.

"Want me to get you another one, buddy?" John asked, wide-eyed innocence still intact.

"Last one," Ronon muttered through clenched teeth.

When Ronon launched himself at John, people started fleeing the mess hall almost before they'd hit the floor. Teyla stood, watching anxiously, ready to jump in and attempt to break it up if the fight got out of hand, but the first punch never came. Instead, Ronon growled, grabbed two fistfuls of spiky brown hair, and they rolled across the mess hall floor, knocking over chairs and tables before coming to rest with Ronon lying heavily on top of John. He yanked on John's hair, lifting his head and bringing it back down to the floor with a not-entirely-gentle thud.

"Ow, ow, ow," John yelled, then reached up to grab two handfuls of dreads and give a vicious pull, taking control for the moment and rolling them in the opposite direction, scattering more of the furniture before coming to rest on top of Ronon.

Rodney's face lit up. "Oooh, catfight!" He shoved a spoonful of jello into his mouth and settled in for the show.

John pulled his arm back and it looked like he was finally going to throw the first punch of the fight, but Ronon grabbed his wrist and heaved upwards with his whole body, throwing John up, off, and over, and then Ronon was on top again and had a tight hold on both of John's wrists, pinning them to the floor over his head.

"Um, is this…? Well, this isn't like any fight I've ever seen," Keller said nervously. Teyla snickered.

Suddenly, Ronon's eyes widened and John's innocent expression was back with a touch of apology thrown into the sheepish shrug he offered. "Sorry, Chewie. Would you believe me if I told you that was my radio in my pocket?"

Ronon growled again and slammed John's wrists into the floor for good measure, but it appeared, to all present, that he also gave a twisty little thrust with his hips, causing Lorne to abruptly jump up and remember that he needed to brief his team about something. Anything. Right _now_. Leaving the mess hall was like running an obstacle course, but Lorne made it over the scattered tables and chairs and out of the room in seconds flat, and Teyla, laughing, followed.

When John answered Ronon's twisty thrust with a whimper and a rolling bump and grind of his own, Keller stood, grabbed Rodney's hand and said, "I think…didn't we have to…oh, fuck it. We should go, Rodney," and pulled a reluctant Rodney up and out of his chair, and after grabbing his cookies, he followed her willingly, more or less.

John grinned up at Ronon and said, "Look at that. Everyone's gone."

"Huh," Ronon grunted, thrusting down again with his hips and rubbing his hardness against John's.

* * *

><p>Ronon rolled over onto his back, exhaled loudly, and wiped ineffectually at the smear of come on his belly. When a nervous petty officer came in with his lunch tray, Ronon quickly tucked himself back into his pants and buttoned himself up, then reached over to do the same to John.<p>

"Huh," he said again. "That was…different." He stood and extended a hand to help John up. "So. First fight, not counting sparring matches, since we've been…you know."

"Yep, I guess it was," John answered, then looked at Ronon slyly from the corner of his eye. "Want to fight again tonight in my room?"

Ronon grinned.


End file.
